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Acts of Love: Please Remember
Note: This was the result of me
listening to the song "Please Remember" over and over while
doing the dishes . . . It's
one of those sappy songs I seem to be a sucker for (from Coyote Ugly no
less *l*) And, I've been wondering of late if I could
still write 'emotional' fic - this is me trying ;-)
Thanks: To those of you who read this at various stages, you know
who you are :-) And James and Nix for the beta and support.
Disclaimer: No one in here is mine. These folks belong to
Marvel. And the only thing I get from it is email, no
money so send the lawyers elsewhere. *g*
Rating: G / Archive: if I've given
you permission before, go for it. Otherwise, please ask.
/ Classification: angst
Characters: Scott/Jean / Series:
Acts of Love - Companion piece to 'If Only'
Warnings: death story, but kinda not really ;)
confused?
I can still see you, you know. Only now, I can
look upon you with my own eyes. Not with my visor, just my eyes -
I finally found the way to be free of my powers. After so many
years it's as if I've forgotten what color was like - it's wondrous.
I can see the green of your eyes. Moonlight - pale and white - is
streaming in through the window and your hair seems to shine with it.
For the first time I can truly see you. I was right all along, you
are beautiful.
It's late and the mansion is quiet. It was a rough day for all of
us, though I doubt anyone is actually sleeping. The Professor,
Ororo, even Logan has tried talking to you only to be sent away.
You say you're fine, but you're not - you're hurting. I would know
that even if your shoulders weren't shaking.
You're fighting so hard to be what you think everyone expects of you.
Clutching my pillow to your chest, you're trying to be strong and
composed. You've been on the verge of tears all night, I wish you
would let them fall.
The strength you're clinging to so valiantly is part of what drew me to
you, though it was by no means the only thing. When I met you I
was alone and angry at the world, yet you got to me - you looked past
the walls and managed to touch my heart. It wasn't what I expected
or wanted at the time, but it was what we both needed.
For as long as I've known you, you never stopped touching my heart.
You never will, even though I'm gone. Only tonight - watching as
you suffer, knowing I'm the cause - my heart is breaking.
I never expected it to happen like this. But that's probably what
most people think when they die. We all knew the risks we were
taking by fighting for Xavier's dream - maybe we thought we were
invincible. It was a foolish idea to cling to, in retrospect.
I never wanted to leave you behind. No more than I wanted to live
without you beside me. Seeing you now drives the point home in a
more painful way than I ever imagined. What I would give for one
last chance to hold you in my arms.
So many thoughts long to pass my lips, if only you were able to hear
them. So many emotions fill my heart, if only you could still feel
them. But for the first time since we've known one another,
there's a gap between us that can't be spanned.
I look into your eyes, shining with unshed tears, and wish you were able
to look back into mine. It's not been a day and already I miss the
familiar touch of your mind. Most of all, I wish I had been able
to say I love you one last time. To kiss your lips and tell you
goodbye.
Everything happened so fast toward the end, time spun out of control.
We live day-to-day believing that when it is over our lives will be
settled. That those we loved will know how we felt about them.
Probably we try not to think about it at all.
The look within your eyes when I lay in your arms ever so slowly
slipping away is burned onto my soul. So much was happening, all
around us. There was too much to do and too much to say. And
so little time to feel your arms around me - warm and safe, holding me
close. At the end I smiled - your face was the last thing I saw.
I will forever be grateful for the time I had with you - the time that
your heart was mine. Destiny must have smiled upon me the day I
finally admitted what I was feeling. I've been grateful every day
since - waking to look upon your face in the dawn.
Question upon question continues to burn in my mind. What might
have been's and what if's. Things neither of us will ever be able
to know. Decisions were made in the heat of the moment, good and
bad. We both face this result; it is the cruelest twist that we
can't face it together.
Now, after the end, I ask only one thing of you. Please remember -
me, us, yesterday and the day before. Don't push it away and
become cold simply for the sake of being strong. Feel what we had
- revel in the love we shared and the days that await you. Cry
when you're sad and laugh when you're happy. I loved making you
smile, I don't want to be the reason you stop.
Live tomorrow sure in the knowledge that I love you. Sleep now and
wake up in the morning and realize that love can survive death.
Just because the lover dies, doesn't mean the love goes with it.
You are the center of my world - the rock I leaned on and the shoulder I
cried on. I can only hope I was able to give you half of what you
gave me without thought. I don't know how to live - or rather, not
live - without the other half of myself. But know this - as long
as I have any strength left, any love left - you will never have to be
alone.
I'll be right here, beside you - within you - for as long as you need
me. I can only ask for your faith. Faith in us, faith in
tomorrow. Trust enough to let the hurt in; you don't always have
to hold everything back - don't lock it all away. Believe that
it's okay to feel - to find joy in those that remain.
You're going to be okay. I know this as surely as I know myself.
It's part of who you are. Live, love, face the morning and embrace
the chances you have with open arms. I know you can do it.
The world won't stop without me, neither should you. There's a
dream to be won yet.
Now that I'm gone, I only ask that one thing - live for me. We
made everything we could of our time together. Don't stop now -
dare to risk the chances and the changes - you've always been as strong
as you are beautiful. You've made me proud just in knowing you.
The past will always be there. I will always be there.
You've only to hold the memories close and remember. Right now
your future is waiting to begin.
You just have to open your heart and fly.
End
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/kalyw
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