We Hurt, We Love
Nadja Lee 15/01/01
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to
Marvel , 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement,
this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the
author. Please do not copy this story to any website
or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the ending of and right after the TPB " God loves,
Universe: Set in the comic universe.
Summary: Scott's feelings towards Ororo are changing..
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. (Use Feedback Button)
Dedicated to: Helene, Julia, Jemi, April and Jaguarita. Thanks for your
kindness and friendship.
Thanks to Christina for the Beta.
A few notes for this story:
1) I don't know where this TPB fits into the official timeline, only
that it is after Giant X-men 1.
2) For the sake of my story I'm then assuming that the Phoenix Saga HAS
happened. In other words; JEAN IS DEAD!
3) In the official timeline Scott left the X-men after Jean's death. I
assume he have returned and have fought with the X-men for some time
*mmmm * is telepathically thoughts spoken in the mind. " mmmmm
" is spoken out loud.
Scott went out onto the
balcony. He needed some air, some freedom after these last days in Hell.
" Would you mind some company, Scott?" Ororo asked gently as
she walked up to him and lay one delicately boned hand on his shoulder
and the other in his hand.
" Never say no to a beautiful woman, especially when she is a
friend," Scott said with a smile but as soon as the words had left
his lips he realised what he had said. Yes, he did find her beautiful,
very much so in fact but it was his use of the word "friend"
which made him think. Ororo was a friend but these feelings, these
sensations he was having, was that really only feelings of friendship?
The fear he had felt in his heart under their capture and torture for
her safety, the concern for her as he feared for her mind and body. She
was like a child trapped in a woman's body. A saint with a Goddess
powers. Since Jean he had known no woman as pure and gentle as she.
Jean.the word, her name.brought back memories of joy and happiness but
above all memories of sadness and grief as he recalled her fall and her
death. The memory still brought pain to his heart and tears to his eyes.
She had been his first love. His only love. For a long time he hadn't
been ready for a new love. He had feared the pain of loss. He hadn't
been willing to run the risk. To try and open up for that meant the
chance of getting hurt and he didn't know if he could survive another
loss. Another hurt like that. It was better not to care. Not to tie
bonds so strongly that they couldn't be broken. As he looked down into
Ororo┤s concerned eyes he knew he had broken his own promise of not
caring beyond a certain degree. He knew that had their interrogators
asked questions he could have answered, questions about the X-men, about
anything at all he would have talked if they had threatened to harm
Ororo. He would have done anything to spare her that pain they both had
gone through the last few days.
" I have never been more proud of you. You said what was in our
hearts. Both here and at the garden. I think for a moment you unnerved
the professor----you became the teacher and he, the pupil," Ororo
said warmly and gave him a small smile. Careful, Wind Rider, she thought
to herself. He sees you as a friend and nothing else. Don't throw away a
fine friendship for things which can never come to pass. She had loved
Jean as a sister and her memory as a loving and caring woman would
always live inside her but she was raised among death. She knew life to
be precious and pleasures small. In old her life there never had been
much time to mourn and neither had there been in her new life as a part
of the X-men. She had only known Jean for a short time yet she had felt
like she had found a long lost sister. That was also why she knew that
she'll never wish for Scott to be alone. She'll want him to be happy.
And if her friendship could make him happy and was enough for him then
it had to be for her too.
" Labels again. The hell with `em. He was in need. I helped him.
As he would me," Scott brushed it off but inside he was glowing.
She was proud of him! Her pride in him meant more than a thousand of
Xavier's few and far between compliments. Xavier was in many ways a
father to him as he had never really known his real father, yet as with
most of the people in his life Scott had been afraid to bind too close a
bond with him. All through his upbringing, all through his childhood, he
had been a outcast, labelled a freak. Every person who he had come to
love, he had lost. His parents, his brother, Jean.they had all been torn
from him. He had been forced to stay at the orphanage even when other
children his age went to foster homes because no one wanted him. He was
a mutant, he was damaged. Those long, cold nights alone he had wished
for someone to hold him. Someone to tell him that they cared. But that
had never happened. When he had finally been taken in by Jack all his na´ve
dreams of a father and family had been shattered, beaten to death by
Jack's leather belt. Maybe if Xavier had come before then. Before Jack
had marked his body and soul with his cruelty and contempt. But he
hadn't. To survive Scott had built a wall around his heart that he
couldn't afford to break down even for him. As long as Xavier could be a
father and mentor from a distance he was fine with it but when he had
once tried to push, wanting to know more, know what had happened and why
Scott couldn't bring himself to call him Charles..He didn't know that if
he first did that..If he first said the word, his given name, all would
fall and he'll be left unprotected. Didn't know that fear held him back
as the child Scott in him expected punishment for such a free tone while
the adult Scott feared what the pain of rejection would cost him if
first he let the professor into his heart.
He looked down at their hands and knew what he'll have seen if not for
his red glasses; one small, delicate chocolate brown hand and one big
and sun burned to a fine shade of golden intertwined and knew that he
had been wrong all along. He hadn't closed his heart. He hadn't been
able to. He had just not showed them his feelings so clearly but they
had still existed inside his heart.
" That's what it is all about, really. Needing and helping. Caring
for another," Scott said but his words were for her alone and not
the rest of the world. She smiled at him and Scott felt his heart beat
wildly in his chest as she leaned closer to him. Her warm breath was on
his cheek as she planted a soft kiss on it. He felt as if one of
Magneto's bolts of electricity had gone through him at her touch. Surely
she most have sensed it too.
" And from that caring comes love," Ororo whispered softly and
Scott gathered her in his arms and they looked out over Xavier's garden
together. She had told him. Despite her better judgment she had told him
what she felt. He pressed her closer to him as if he guessed her
" And that makes the world go `round," Scott said as he looked
up at the stars smiling down upon them.
" If only that was so," Ororo said wishfully and Scott looked
down at her. She smiled as she saw the concerned frown on his face.
" But it does make my world go around," Ororo whispered and
looked up at him, her cheeks flushed and her lips inviting. Scott hugged
her close and bent down as he gently touched his lips to hers. Soon the
kiss deepened until they were forced to break apart for breath. Scott
smiled softly to her and Ororo felt special for making him able to do
that. To forget his worries for a moment in time in her embrace.
" Ororo, I know this may come unexpected but.I love you, I always
have but over these past months that love have changed from deep
friendship to...something more. Something deeper," Scott said
softly as he stroked a lose hair away from her face. Now, he had opened
his heart. Now he had said the words. Only after almost losing her did
he realise that without her in his life, life wasn't worth living. Only
then did he realise the deep of his feelings and the desire to make her
his. His bride. His woman. His to love, his to cherish and his to take
care off as he knew she'll care for him, as she'll love him, as she'll
protect him. Now, the only question was; what kind of love? He feared a
rejection but he also knew that he'll rather know than always wonder.
" Scott, I loved you even when you belonged to Jean. I admire your
control, your strength and your bravado. But more than anything; I love
your heart. You are capable of such deep feelings yet you rarely let
them out of your heart and that spoke to me," Ororo admitted as his
face lit up in a brilliant smile.
" Ororo, my Ororo," he whispered in wonder as he caressed her
cheek. She caught his hand and leaned her cheek against it.
" Yes, love. I'm yours as you're mine. We belong to each
other," Ororo whispered and hoped she had reassured him in her
love. She had no telepathic powers as Jean had had. She couldn't just
allow Scott to practically always be able to sense and feel her
emotions. Her eyes, words and heart would have to be enough. Would have
to be strong enough to break down years of fear and loneliness. To her
joy Scott smiled and leaned down to kiss her again.
" That we do, My precious and brave Wind Rider. That we do,"
he mumbled against her lips as he sealed their pact of love forever
beneath the blinking stars.