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Nadja Lee

We Hurt, We Love

By Nadja Lee 15/01/01
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel , 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, 
this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website 
or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the ending of and right after the TPB " God loves, man kills"
Universe: Set in the comic universe.
Pairing: Scott/Ororo
Summary: Scott's feelings towards Ororo are changing..
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. (Use Feedback Button)
Rating: PG
Dedicated to: Helene, Julia, Jemi, April and Jaguarita. Thanks for your kindness and friendship.
Thanks to Christina for the Beta.
A few notes for this story:
1) I don't know where this TPB fits into the official timeline, only that it is after Giant X-men 1.
2) For the sake of my story I'm then assuming that the Phoenix Saga HAS happened. In other words; JEAN IS DEAD!
3) In the official timeline Scott left the X-men after Jean's death. I assume he have returned and have fought with the X-men for some time now.
*mmmm * is telepathically thoughts spoken in the mind. " mmmmm "  is spoken out loud.

        Scott went out onto the balcony. He needed some air, some freedom after these last days in Hell.
" Would you mind some company, Scott?" Ororo asked gently as she walked up to him and lay one delicately boned hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand.
" Never say no to a beautiful woman, especially when she is a friend," Scott said with a smile but as soon as the words had left his lips he realised what he had said. Yes, he did find her beautiful, very much so in fact but it was his use of the word "friend" which made him think. Ororo was a friend but these feelings, these sensations he was having, was that really only feelings of friendship? The fear he had felt in his heart under their capture and torture for her safety, the concern for her as he feared for her mind and body. She was like a child trapped in a woman's body. A saint with a Goddess powers. Since Jean he had known no woman as pure and gentle as she. Jean.the word, her name.brought back memories of joy and happiness but above all memories of sadness and grief as he recalled her fall and her death. The memory still brought pain to his heart and tears to his eyes. She had been his first love. His only love. For a long time he hadn't been ready for a new love. He had feared the pain of loss. He hadn't been willing to run the risk. To try and open up for that meant the chance of getting hurt and he didn't know if he could survive another loss. Another hurt like that. It was better not to care. Not to tie bonds so strongly that they couldn't be broken. As he looked down into Ororo┤s concerned eyes he knew he had broken his own promise of not caring beyond a certain degree. He knew that had their interrogators asked questions he could have answered, questions about the X-men, about anything at all he would have talked if they had threatened to harm Ororo. He would have done anything to spare her that pain they both had gone through the last few days.
" I have never been more proud of you. You said what was in our hearts. Both here and at the garden. I think for a moment you unnerved the professor----you became the teacher and he, the pupil," Ororo said warmly and gave him a small smile. Careful, Wind Rider, she thought to herself. He sees you as a friend and nothing else. Don't throw away a fine friendship for things which can never come to pass. She had loved Jean as a sister and her memory as a loving and caring woman would always live inside her but she was raised among death. She knew life to be precious and pleasures small. In old her life there never had been much time to mourn and neither had there been in her new life as a part of the X-men. She had only known Jean for a short time yet she had felt like she had found a long lost sister. That was also why she knew that she'll never wish for Scott to be alone. She'll want him to be happy. And if her friendship could make him happy and was enough for him then it had to be for her too.
" Labels again. The hell with `em. He was in need. I helped him.  As he would me," Scott brushed it off but inside he was glowing. She was proud of him! Her pride in him meant more than a thousand of Xavier's few and far between compliments. Xavier was in many ways a father to him as he had never really known his real father, yet as with most of the people in his life Scott had been afraid to bind too close a bond with him. All through his upbringing, all through his childhood, he had been a outcast, labelled a freak. Every person who he had come to love, he had lost. His parents, his brother, Jean.they had all been torn from him. He had been forced to stay at the orphanage even when other children his age went to foster homes because no one wanted him. He was a mutant, he was damaged. Those long, cold nights alone he had wished for someone to hold him. Someone to tell him that they cared. But that had never happened. When he had finally been taken in by Jack all his na´ve dreams of a father and family had been shattered, beaten to death by Jack's leather belt. Maybe if Xavier had come before then. Before Jack had marked his body and soul with his cruelty and contempt. But he hadn't. To survive Scott had built a wall around his heart that he couldn't afford to break down even for him. As long as Xavier could be a father and mentor from a distance he was fine with it but when he had once tried to push, wanting to know more, know what had happened and why Scott couldn't bring himself to call him Charles..He didn't know that if he first did that..If he first said the word, his given name, all would fall and he'll be left unprotected. Didn't know that fear held him back as the child Scott in him expected punishment for such a free tone while the adult Scott feared what the pain of rejection would cost him if first he let the professor into his heart.
He looked down at their hands and knew what he'll have seen if not for his red glasses; one small, delicate chocolate brown hand and one big and sun burned to a fine shade of golden intertwined and knew that he had been wrong all along. He hadn't closed his heart. He hadn't been able to. He had just not showed them his feelings so clearly but they had still existed inside his heart.
" That's what it is all about, really. Needing and helping. Caring for another," Scott said but his words were for her alone and not the rest of the world. She smiled at him and Scott felt his heart beat wildly in his chest as she leaned closer to him. Her warm breath was on his cheek as she planted a soft kiss on it. He felt as if one of Magneto's bolts of electricity had gone through him at her touch. Surely she most have sensed it too.
" And from that caring comes love," Ororo whispered softly and Scott gathered her in his arms and they looked out over Xavier's garden together. She had told him. Despite her better judgment she had told him what she felt. He pressed her closer to him as if he guessed her thoughts.
" And that makes the world go `round," Scott said as he looked up at the stars smiling down upon them.
" If only that was so," Ororo said wishfully and Scott looked down at her. She smiled as she saw the concerned frown on his face.
" But it does make my world go around," Ororo whispered and looked up at him, her cheeks flushed and her lips inviting. Scott hugged her close and bent down as he gently touched his lips to hers. Soon the kiss deepened until they were forced to break apart for breath. Scott smiled softly to her and Ororo felt special for making him able to do that. To forget his worries for a moment in time in her embrace.
" Ororo, I know this may come unexpected but.I love you, I always have but over these past months that love have changed from deep friendship to...something more. Something deeper," Scott said softly as he stroked a lose hair away from her face. Now, he had opened his heart. Now he had said the words. Only after almost losing her did he realise that without her in his life, life wasn't worth living. Only then did he realise the deep of his feelings and the desire to make her his. His bride. His woman. His to love, his to cherish and his to take care off as he knew she'll care for him, as she'll love him, as she'll protect him. Now, the only question was; what kind of love? He feared a rejection but he also knew that he'll rather know than always wonder.
" Scott, I loved you even when you belonged to Jean. I admire your control, your strength and your bravado. But more than anything; I love your heart. You are capable of such deep feelings yet you rarely let them out of your heart and that spoke to me," Ororo admitted as his face lit up in a brilliant smile.
" Ororo, my Ororo," he whispered in wonder as he caressed her cheek. She caught his hand and leaned her cheek against it.
" Yes, love. I'm yours as you're mine. We belong to each other," Ororo whispered and hoped she had reassured him in her love. She had no telepathic powers as Jean had had. She couldn't just allow Scott to practically always be able to sense and feel her emotions. Her eyes, words and heart would have to be enough. Would have to be strong enough to break down years of fear and loneliness. To her joy Scott smiled and leaned down to kiss her again.
" That we do, My precious and brave Wind Rider. That we do," he mumbled against her lips as he sealed their pact of love forever beneath the blinking stars.

The End


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