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Nadja Lee

She Lit A Candle

Published: 18/01/01
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel , 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, 
this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Disclaimer: "I Light A Candle" belong to Madonna and whoever wrote the song and I intend no infringement, 
this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to 
any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set after Scott's death, his mingling with Apocalypse.
Universe: Set in the comic universe.
Pairing: Scott/Jean
Summary: Jean thinks about the husband she has lost and the man he was..
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. (Use Feedback Button)
Rating: PG
Dedicated to: Helene, Julia, Jemi, April and Jaguarita. Thanks for your kindness and friendship.
Thanks to Christina for the Beta.
For Christina with thanks. Enjoy!
*mmmm * is telepathically thoughts spoken in the mind. " mmmmm "  is spoken out loud.

Part 1:
There blew a cold wind over the land as a young red haired woman crossed the street and entered the church. For a while her green eyes looked at the statue of the Mother Mary and the small child on Her arm. Then she turned away and lit a candle. She placed it with the others and kneeled down and bent her head as she remembered..remembered why she was here..
He had been the best, the strongest..and sadly the bravest. A life for a life and her world had went blank. Had she only known what he was thinking, what he was planned.she would have stopped him, she would have held him back.and that was why he hadn't let her know. Was the love for one man more important than another's life? Yes! Her heart screamed.. No! her mind protested.
She had to admit that she didn't have his self-sacrificing spirit when it came to love. She'll gladly give her life for another but she wouldn't give his life for another. He had been everything to her. Her life, her dream, her reason for living. With him she had had it all; all the love to last a lifetime. Only it hadn't lasted forever as it should have. He had been torn from her grip and into Death's waiting arms. It was too soon. She still had things to tell him, things she wanted to show him, feelings he needed to know. But she'll never get the chance to do any of those things. It was too late now. All she had left of him was a memory. She didn't even get the chance to cradle his body in her lap or stroke his hair for the last time, taste the sweetness of his lips and feel the love in his thoughts.

Part 2: 
This was so damn unfair. He had fought all his life. He didn't deserve this. He had held on to a Dream, fought for a Dream and.died for a Dream. No, that wasn't right. He hadn't died for a dream, he had died for a son. A son he had never held in his arms or kissed goodnight. A  son who was almost a stranger. But that hadn't mattered. He had saved him, he had used his body as a shield. And.he had died, the light leaving his eyes forever.
That kind of life was this? She questioned with tear filled eyes as she raised her head and looked at the statue of the small child who had been destined to save a world. If there was a God, if there was justice, her husband wouldn't be dead. He'll be here. With her. Laughing with her, even crying with her, just as long as he was here by her side. There was a emptiness in her heart which couldn't be filled, there was a love in her eyes which no one would receive anymore. If only she could sense him, sense some part of him but she couldn't. She looked at the statue again. If there was a Christ He would come tonight and pray for him with her. He would have seen the injustice done here. He'll have helped. She didn't understand. How many had to fail? How many had to die alone? How many tears had to fall? Surely, if God existed He'll help her pray for him. He'll do something. Anything. She stayed at the church all afternoon until darkness neared yet still no one showed up. No one came. No one cared.
That they had been fighting a losing battle, she had begun to sense a long time ago but he hadn't thought that. In his heart a dream had still lived, pure and kind. How many bodies had to fall to the ground? How many sons had to burn? She didn't understand what made the world go around.   

Part 3:
She felt very tired and very old as she looked at the statue of a mother and her child. She wished people would put away their guns and the world would see peace. But that was not to be. One long fight. That had been her life but as long as he had been her guide and had been at her side she hadn't minded all that much. But now..now she felt the coldness of Death and the sorrow of loss. She lit a candle and watched the flame as it reached for the sky. It burned the brightest among all the other candles and she knew that it was him. With trembling hands she caressed the candle and so wished he'll be here with her. She felt..alone. Abandoned. Lost. As if her heart had been torn from her body. She didn't understand how others succeeded in moving on. Day after day. Night after night, alone. Tears on her pillow and in her eyes. How much heartache could one heart endure before it broke down? She did not know but she knew that the tears of silver on her cheeks was falling like tears from above.
As she existed the church it was night, stars blinked down to her. She walked through the darkness as if it was now a part of her and came through the shadows. The moon shone and made the tear which fell from her eyes, glimmer like a pearl as it fell to the ground and broke into a thousand pieces. Above her a star bathed her body and broken heart in its glow like a candle in the wind. Like the candle she had lit. It was glowing now, still inside the church and it continued to do so until it burned down and disappeared as if it had never been. As the light died, tears fell from Heaven and shattered like diamonds as they touched the ground.

The End


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