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Acts of Love: Please Remember

Note:  This was the result of me listening to the song "Please Remember" over and over while doing the dishes . . .   It's
one of those sappy songs I seem to be a sucker for (from Coyote Ugly no less *l*)  And, I've been wondering of late if I could
still write 'emotional' fic - this is me trying ;-)

Thanks:  To those of you who read this at various stages, you know who you are :-)  And James and Nix for the beta and support.

Disclaimer:  No one in here is mine.  These folks belong to Marvel.  And the only thing I get from it is email, no
money so send the lawyers elsewhere. *g*

Rating: G   /  Archive:  if I've given you permission before, go for it. Otherwise, please ask.   /  Classification: angst
Characters:  Scott/Jean   /  Series: Acts of Love - Companion piece to 'If Only'
Warnings:  death story, but kinda not really ;) confused? 

I can still see you, you know.  Only now, I can look upon you with my own eyes.  Not with my visor, just my eyes - I finally found the way to be free of my powers.  After so many years it's as if I've forgotten what color was like - it's wondrous.  I can see the green of your eyes.  Moonlight - pale and white - is streaming in through the window and your hair seems to shine with it. 

For the first time I can truly see you.  I was right all along, you are beautiful.

It's late and the mansion is quiet.  It was a rough day for all of us, though I doubt anyone is actually sleeping.  The Professor, Ororo, even Logan has tried talking to you only to be sent away.  You say you're fine, but you're not - you're hurting.  I would know that even if your shoulders weren't shaking.  

You're fighting so hard to be what you think everyone expects of you.  Clutching my pillow to your chest, you're trying to be strong and composed.  You've been on the verge of tears all night, I wish you would let them fall.

The strength you're clinging to so valiantly is part of what drew me to you, though it was by no means the only thing.  When I met you I was alone and angry at the world, yet you got to me - you looked past the walls and managed to touch my heart.  It wasn't what I expected or wanted at the time, but it was what we both needed. 

For as long as I've known you, you never stopped touching my heart.  You never will, even though I'm gone.  Only tonight - watching as you suffer, knowing I'm the cause - my heart is breaking. 

I never expected it to happen like this.  But that's probably what most people think when they die.  We all knew the risks we were taking by fighting for Xavier's dream - maybe we thought we were invincible.  It was a foolish idea to cling to, in retrospect.   

I never wanted to leave you behind.  No more than I wanted to live without you beside me.  Seeing you now drives the point home in a more painful way than I ever imagined.  What I would give for one last chance to hold you in my arms.

So many thoughts long to pass my lips, if only you were able to hear them.  So many emotions fill my heart, if only you could still feel them.  But for the first time since we've known one another, there's a gap between us that can't be spanned.

I look into your eyes, shining with unshed tears, and wish you were able to look back into mine.  It's not been a day and already I miss the familiar touch of your mind.  Most of all, I wish I had been able to say I love you one last time.  To kiss your lips and tell you goodbye.

Everything happened so fast toward the end, time spun out of control.  We live day-to-day believing that when it is over our lives will be settled.  That those we loved will know how we felt about them.  Probably we try not to think about it at all.

The look within your eyes when I lay in your arms ever so slowly slipping away is burned onto my soul.  So much was happening, all around us.  There was too much to do and too much to say.  And so little time to feel your arms around me - warm and safe, holding me close.  At the end I smiled - your face was the last thing I saw.

I will forever be grateful for the time I had with you - the time that your heart was mine.  Destiny must have smiled upon me the day I finally admitted what I was feeling.  I've been grateful every day since - waking to look upon your face in the dawn.

Question upon question continues to burn in my mind.  What might have been's and what if's.  Things neither of us will ever be able to know.  Decisions were made in the heat of the moment, good and bad.  We both face this result; it is the cruelest twist that we can't face it together. 

Now, after the end, I ask only one thing of you.  Please remember - me, us, yesterday and the day before.  Don't push it away and become cold simply for the sake of being strong.  Feel what we had - revel in the love we shared and the days that await you.  Cry when you're sad and laugh when you're happy.  I loved making you smile, I don't want to be the reason you stop.

Live tomorrow sure in the knowledge that I love you.  Sleep now and wake up in the morning and realize that love can survive death.  Just because the lover dies, doesn't mean the love goes with it. 

You are the center of my world - the rock I leaned on and the shoulder I cried on.  I can only hope I was able to give you half of what you gave me without thought.  I don't know how to live - or rather, not live - without the other half of myself.  But know this - as long as I have any strength left, any love left - you will never have to be alone.

I'll be right here, beside you - within you - for as long as you need me.  I can only ask for your faith.  Faith in us, faith in tomorrow.  Trust enough to let the hurt in; you don't always have to hold everything back - don't lock it all away.  Believe that it's okay to feel - to find joy in those that remain.

You're going to be okay.  I know this as surely as I know myself.  It's part of who you are.  Live, love, face the morning and embrace the chances you have with open arms.  I know you can do it.  The world won't stop without me, neither should you.  There's a dream to be won yet.

Now that I'm gone, I only ask that one thing - live for me.  We made everything we could of our time together.  Don't stop now - dare to risk the chances and the changes - you've always been as strong as you are beautiful.  You've made me proud just in knowing you.

The past will always be there.  I will always be there.  You've only to hold the memories close and remember.  Right now your future is waiting to begin. 

You just have to open your heart and fly.


Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/kalyw

Others by Kaly:


Quiet Turmoil

Acts of Love
Please Remember
If Only

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