Tables, Tactics and Redheads
“Don’t even speak to me Scott Summers.” Jean Grey Summers growled at her husband as he walked through the door of their home. “You mister, are in the dog house big time.”
Scott gave her a completely innocent expression and asked, “What I do?”
Jean narrowed her eyes at him, “Bobby put excerpts from that awful book on his new website www.xmendirt.com. Don’t even pretend you didn’t have anything to do with it, you evil little puppet master.”
Scott once again gave her a completely innocent look, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Besides if Bobby wants to brag because the book made him get lucky for a change. Who am I to stop him?”
Jean glared at him, “Liar. I should maim both of you for just putting my chapter up.”
Scott smirked at her for a moment, “I know what this is really about. I thought you wanted to go to Australia.”
Jean gave him her ‘I’m not buying it’ look, “I can’t help but notice that your sudden interest in visiting that country has something to do with a certain famous red head’s husband filing for divorce.”
Scott blinked at her innocently, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I have no alternative motives at all for wanting to see Sydney. I just thought you might want to go and see the sites. Besides, Tom never appreciated her for the wonder she is.”
Jean rolled her eyes at him, walked in to the living room, and sat down on the couch. “I will never understand your redhead obsession.”
Scott followed her in to the living room, “What can I say. To quote a teammate of mine, ‘Those eyes, that hair, that accent’.” Scott smirked at her and got a dreamy look on his face, “Oh man, that hair. She can wear it in any shade of red.”
Jean raised an eyebrow at him, “I’ll quote that teammate’s very jealous boyfriend when he said, ‘Remind me to drop a truck on her. A very, very large truck.”
Scott smirked at her, “I think you’re missing a very important point to this conversation.”
“What’s that?” Jean asked, rolling her eyes again.
Scott’s smirk got a little wider, “Tom’s going to be a free man very soon too.”
Jean blinked at him for a moment, and a large smile broke across her face. She announced gleefully, “He is. Isn’t he?”
Scott nodded and scooted next to her on the couch. “Well since I’m in the dog house big time anyway. I think it’s time I came clean on how bad this red head obsession of mine really is.”
Jean raised an eyebrow at him and replied “Oh, really?”
Scott nodded at her and whispered in her ear, “You might not know this sweetheart but my first wife was a red head.”
Jean just smacked him playfully, “That does it. I’m buying a one-way ticket to L.A. Tom will appreciate me for the wonder I AM.”
Scott gave her a impish smile, “Okay, okay it started with a red headed classmate of mine. We went to this private school together.”
Jean raised her eyebrow and asked, “Really?”
Scott nodded at her seriously, “She always wore these mini-shirts that showed off her incredible set of legs.”
Jean gave him a very serious look, but there was laugher in her eyes. “So this all started with your red headed classmate who wore mini-shirts?”
Scott nodded at her and snuggled a little closer. “I’m afraid so. I would even jog three miles out of my way every morning just to try to catch a glimpse of her on her balcony with only her robe on. I’m a very sick man.”
Jean nodded, “Very sick.”
“Anyway,” Scott continued, “I always had this sick fantasy of her inviting me in for a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. When I walk in to the kitchen she throws me on the table and she just has her way with me.”
Jean smirked at him, “That’s just naughty.”
Scott nodded at her, “I know. Can’t you just hear the cheap porn music in the background? As I was saying, I was always the afraid the headmaster would get a glimpse of what I was thinking. He could read minds you know?”
“No, you must have forgotten to mention that fact.” Jean replied dryly.
“Well he could.” Scott replied, “And I was always afraid he would throw me out of school for having all these sick, dirty fantasies about my red headed classmate. Looking back now if I had managed to get my butt thrown out of school. I probably could have made good money as a porn writer back then. I wonder what that red headed classmate of mine is doing now days? Maybe, I’ll go look her up.”
Jean raised an eyebrow at that question and replied, “I heard that she married that boring tactician boyfriend of hers. They were married for a couple of years. Then she drowned him in the lake, when he decided he was going to stalk Nichole Kidman.”
Scott gave her an indignant look, “Tacticians are not boring. As for drowning her husband she always did have a temper.”
“Let’s get back to your red head obsession.” Jean stated, “It started with a red headed classmate and?”
Scott nodded, “From the red headed classmate it went to a red headed super model. I was a D.J. back then and I spent a whole months pay just to go see her walk down the runway at a fashion show. I was dodging my landlord and living off of Mac and Cheese for weeks.”
Jean nodded at him, “That was the time I caught you leaving by the fire escape of that semi-dive you called an apartment. If I remember correctly, your land lord was known for breaking legs for late rent.”
Scott nodded at her “I told you I was a very sick man. Risking death and dismemberment just so I could go buy a ticket to go get a glimpse of her. Besides do you know the strange looks a man gets when he picks up Cosmo?”
Jean shook her head no at that question and asked, “Then?”
“Well there was a red headed FBI agent in there for a while. I really don’t know what happened to her.” Scott replied.
“She probably went in to witness relocation to get away from you.” Jean shot back dryly. “And?”
Scott smirked at her, “Then there was this older woman. Her name was Redd. I can’t place the last name right now.”
Jean raised an eyebrow, “Really?”
Scott nodded, “I think her last name was Daybreak, or something like that. Anyway, she was a married woman.”
Jean raised her eyebrow again and asked “Really? She was married?”
Scott nodded again, “Afraid so. Happily as far as I could tell, she even had a eight year old son.”
Jean shook her head at him, “Married with a kid. That’s sinking really low.”
Scott once again nodded his head in agreement and snuggled a little closer to her on the couch. “I know. I couldn’t help myself. I found her laugh lines incredibly sexy. I always wanted her to ditch the kid somewhere out of the way. So I could throw her on the table have my way with her.”
Jean raised her eyebrow at him, “I wonder if her husband was the jealous type? Now that I think about it, she probably had a very boring husband who only wanted to talk about tactics.”
“Very Jealous.” Scott replied. “And tactics aren’t boring. Take for instance Sun Tzu once said….”
“We’re not talking about tactics right now, we’re talking about your red head obsession. I know the kid’s grown now. I wonder what happened to her husband.” Jean asked mischievously.
“He’s probably doing twenty to life for dropping a really, really, really big fuel truck on that charming Cajun snake.” Scott replied dryly.
“Okay,” Jean stated, trying very hard to keep a straight face. “Let me see if I’ve got this straight. The red head thing first started with a classmate?” Scott nodded at her. “Then it went to this super model.” Scott nodded again at her. “Next it went to a married woman.” Scott nodded to her again very seriously. “Is there anyone I’m missing in there?”
Scott nodded at impishly, “You forgot the FBI agent. I should add in Bonnie and Nichole. If I can find a red head that ages like Bonnie Raitt, I will die a very, very happy man.”
“That could be a lot sooner that you think.” Jean responded dryly. “Where were we?”
Scott smirked at her “Sun Tzu once wrote in the ‘Art of War’…”
Jean rolled her eyes, “I should never have married a tactician.”
“Oh I don’t know,” Scott whispered in her ear as he scooted up closer to her, “Tactician’s might not have the charm of our resident Cajun, or the animal magnetism of Wolverine, but they do have their advantages.”
Jean studied him for a moment, “Like what?”
Scott gave her a very sexy smile full of lots of promises. He whispered in her ear with a deep throaty whisper. “Well first off, tacticians are taught if you’re going to,” he said the next word with lots of double meaning, “penetrate you always go deep. Then there’s of course the lesson you always start at the highest possible point, and surge forward at just the right angle for the greatest possible effect. There’s of course my favorite, you never do the same thing twice.”
Jean gave him a very considering look and replied “Oh really?”
Scott gave her a very impish smirk and replied, “We’re also taught to go very, very slow and go at a situation from every angle. Of course the more creative the approach, the better.”
Jean raised her eyebrow and replied “Really.”
Scott nodded at her and then kissed her on the nose suddenly. “But since I’m a very boring tactician, and you have no interest in talking tactics tonight. I’m going to bed and putting on “Days of Thunder”. High speeds, car crashes, and Nichole, every thing a man could want. Night Dear.” With that Scott jumped off the couch and bolted up the stairs.
Jean blinked in surprise for a moment and then roared, “Scott!” She jumped off the couch and bolted up the stairs after him. “Get back here and don’t even think of putting that tape on! You and I have other plans!”
He was trying to kill her, Jean decided, as she was lying in bed unable to move one muscle. Jean decided right then, that Bonnie Raitt did have the right idea. Bonnie had sung a song about how she needed a man that could ‘rock steady’ all night long. You go Bonnie. What a way to go. Never mind trajectories and angles. She would never think of front and rear assaults in the same way ever again, and it was all her solar powered, sex maniac of a husband’s fault. There are some really good things a girl could say about self-control sometimes.
When she finally managed to roll on to her other side. Scott was just leaning on his elbow studying her. He gave her that smirk that Jean had come to recognize as trouble. “Wasn’t I at Alexander?” He asked sweetly.
“Don’t you have to report for duty this morning.” Jean asked.
Scott smirked at her again and shook his head, “Tacticians are trained to look at every possible future outcome. I anticipated this. I switched with Ro. I don’t have to report in until late. I have the morning off.”
Jean blinked at him; “You are trying to kill me so you can run off with Nichole.”
Scott smirk widened, “Just trying to appreciate you for the wonder you are, Sweetheart. Where was I? Oh yes, I remember. I was going to introduce you to a very ancient warfare tactic.”
Jean gave him a suspicious look, “What’s that?”
Scott gave her a devilish smirk, and replied “Siege.” He then started with her toes.
MUCH later that day, Jean went shopping for a studier kitchen table and some lemons for lemonade.