used without permission for entertainment purposes only.
I just sit in our bed pretending to read. I never read while I’m sitting in bed. I always watch her. It’s something I do every night we’re home together; it’s a ritual for us. She sits at her vanity, brushing her hair as she looks in the mirror. I sit here and just watch her. I sit here and think on the reflection looking back at me.
Who do you see Jean, when you look at me? Do you see the orphan still looking for a family? Do you see the hustler? Do you see the cold-blooded commander who on several occasions has held the power of life and death? The commander that has decided cold-bloodily many times who would live and who would die? Do you see Cyclops the leader of the X-men and avatar for Charles’ dream? Do you see the hero or the coward, the man or the living weapon? When you look in that mirror Jean, does part of you see the husband that left you? Do you see the future father of your children, or the man you felt obligated to marry as Xavier’s chosen daughter? Do you see the scared little boy who is still trying to gain control of the freefall that is his life? Who do you see Jean? Do you see all of them or none of them? All those reflections are me and none of them are. So tell me whom do you see?
Do I fill full your every need Jean? Am I in your dreams and deepest fantasies? Am I in your dreams all the time? Or is your dreams a place that only Logan can enter? Are you my faithful wife or Logan’s secret lover? When I hold you do wish it were Logan instead? Tell me Jean; am I in your dreams like you’re in mine? Is it me you dream? Is it me you hold so close at night or some partial reflection of me?
Am I in your heart? You love with all you have. Your hate could burn the world. Your compassion could heal it. Your love could be a man’s salvation or his damnation. When you look in to that glass who do you see? Are you the lady or the harlot? Are you a healer or destroyer? Do you want to save me or destroy me Jean? Do you even know what you feel? Who do you see when you look in to that mirror? What reflections do you see in that glass?
Scott just sits in our bed and watches me. We do this every night we are home together. Scott just sits on our bed, pretends to read all the while he’s watching me over the top edge of the book. I just sit here at my vanity, brush my hair and try to figure out part of my husband is watching me tonight. His book doesn’t give away any clues, like it can some nights. Some times I wish that Scott would drop his walls and let me see what he’s thinking.
Who are you tonight Scott? Who’s sitting in that bed watching me tonight? Are you the abandoned shy orphan? Tonight are you the runaway that’s still running? Are you Cyclops leader of the X-men? Are you playing the father or the lost little boy? Tonight are you warrior or poet? Are you playing the part of philosopher or tyrant? Will I see the hustler or the Boy Scout? Will I see Xavier’s chosen son or the street kid? Are you playing sinner or a saint tonight Scott? Who will I see? Who is sitting there watching me?
Who do you see in my reflection, Scott? Who do you see reflected back at you from that glass? Do you see love or hate? Do you see fire made flesh, the God like perfection that was Phoenix? Do you see the wings that will help you fly or the cage that will hold you down to earth? Do you see your best friend or your worst enemy? Do you see your lover or the mother lost to you so many years ago? Do you see the spiteful angry little girl? Do you see the love of your life or the woman you ran so desperately from? Do you see the mother of your children? Do you see a comrade in arms? Who do you see Scott in my reflection? Do you see the virgin or the whore? Who do you see in that reflection? It is me you see? Is it me you hold so close at night or some reflection of me? Do you even know? Tell me Scott, whom do you see reflected back in that glass?